Jason's Bizarre Adventure
by Icedev
Summary: An Irish guy called Jason finds himself stuck in the world of DxD. As the main character, Issei Hyoudou. All Jason knows is that he really doesn't want to be dragged into the mess that comes with the supernatural, but manages to become the center of attention anyway. Self Insert SI/MC
1. Chapter 1 - A New Beginning

Chapter 1  
"Wake up Bitch! Or else I will chop off your balls~~"

My head snapped forward at the unfamiliar sound. Blinking to myself when I realized I was sleeping on my stomach. I turned my head up to see a screen of a psycho anime chick with a chainsaw. And no matter what you say, I thoroughly believe 'Excuse me, what the fuck?' would be a perfectly normal reaction. I stared at it for a few moments before finding the off switch and flipping it off. I looked around the room.

2 things came to my mind. The first one being where the fuck am I, and second of all how the fuck is everything animated? I stared down at my hands noticing they were also animated. I reached for a side drawer looking for my glasses, but quickly realized that I could see perfectly fine.  
I jumped out of the bed before slowly creeping out of the door. And everything is still animated.

"It's a fucking dream." I breathed a sigh of relief then started to chuckle mirthfully.' I thought I was losing it for a second there. 'What type of dream is this anyway?'  
I asked myself as I opened up the next door in the house and miraculously enough, it was the bathroom. I blinked in surprise when I realized exactly who I was.  
Issei mothafucking Hyodou.

A wide grin plastered on my face. 'This will be fun.'

* * *

I was instinctively able to find Kuoh Academy. However, I took my time getting there. I was enjoying the scenery. Everything is completely different to Ireland, and not even a spec of rain. When I arrived at Kuoh Academy, I was awed at the architecture of the building. I didn't know my imagination was this good. I sadly found myself with the other perverts in the academy, Matsuda and Motohama. It was...weird to be treated so well by people in school. I only really have friends but none that I would call close. I guess you could say it was comforting. Buy do you know what isn't comforting? My imagination is fucking cock blocking me. How? Well to catch you up, Matsuda and Motohama were peaking on the girls at the kendo club. I, myself at the time was chilling on the grass under one of the trees nearby.  
A small smile graced my face. Like come on, I want to see Rias, not some useless side characters.

'Perving is just too troublesome.' I thought to myself, looking over to Matsuda and Motohama still peaking through the hole. I put my hands behind the head and continued to snooze. 'This is one of the most realistic dreams I have ever had, to lazy to do anything even in a harem anime.' I chuckled slightly in amusement. "Well, well, what a surprise"

"That's what she said" I replied instantly, chucking slightly to myself, not looking at who was talking.

"You Pervert!"

And that right there, is the part where I was struck right in the balls. With a sword. A fucking wooden sword. My eyes shot open.

"AHH, JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN? WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" I looked around and noticed that the entire kendo club was staring at me in shock, the kendo captain especially. That shock quickly morphed into anger as they walked threateningly towards me.

'Oh fuck.'

"YOU DON'T GO HITTING SOMEONE IN THE FUCKING BALLS FOR HAVING A NAP FOR FUCK SAKE! WHAT THE HELL DID I EVEN DO?" I continued on in anger. "Don't act innocent, pervert! We all know you were peaking on the changing rooms!" A pink haired girl, Katase, if I recall correctly yelled from behind the captain. 'What is her name again? Murumasa or something?'

"I was taking a fucking nap!" I replied indignantly. "I can't peak on you if I had my eyes closed for fuck sake!"

"We saw you do it! Don't deny it!"I put one of my hands to my forehead and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Woman-"

"CALL ME BY MY NAME, PERVERT!"

"Look, just listen, If you feel indignant about being peaked on, cover up the fucking hole! Don't go hitting people for no reason, ya jackass. Now I'm going to nap somewhere else where there isn't sadists trying to butcher me."

I turned away and try to get out of that whole debacle.

However, It seems the captain heard my comment and rushed up behind me. It seems I hit a nerve. I quickly turned around and just barely caught the wooden sword in one of my outstretched hands. Pain shot right through my left hand, grimacing at the pain before attempted to take the sword off of the girl. It was a short tug of war until I moved the sword downwards and let loose of my grip slightly making her hit herself in the face with pommel of the sword.

She fell back holding her head slightly but quickly recovered. She reached for the sword but I threw it like a javelin as far as possible.

"Stop it!" I near yelled at the irate girl. "Quick Truce!" I said putting my hands up slightly. "Can we all just settle down for a sec before you all go acting like rabid dogs?" 'Oh fuck, tell me I didn't dig my hole any deeper.' A few of the girls wanted to pounce on me but a decent amount held them back. A lot of them seemed...scared. I gave an internal sigh. This is a shite dream. Muruyama came forward with the sword seeming more angry than before. She sent a murderous glare towards my direction.

"Give me one reason why we shouldn't beat you to a pulp."

"..Woman, did you not listen to a thing said?" I said in a deadpanned tone.

"STOP CALLING ME WOMAN! CALL ME BY NAME!"

"I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING NAME! I HAVE ONLY HEARD IT LIKE ONCE IN MY LIFETIME WATCHING DXD, HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO REMEMBER THAT?!"

"IT'S MURUYAMA YOU IDIOT!"

"Okay! Okay! I get it! I'm sorry! Look, my apologies. Listen, I am not in a good mood right now and I was not peaking on you or anyone for that matter" I let out a sigh. "I understand your reservations towards me due to past experiences with myself, I am sorry for that. More importantly though I was napping, and that nap was rudely interrupted and it caused me to flip out on you. So can we just move on with our lives and forget about this?" I asked with a huff.

"Hyoudou-san...what happened to you?" I heard someone say from the back of the small crowd.

"I got lost in the road of life."

"Your personality is completely different, and your voice is accented."

"Boobs, tits, harem king. Same ol' me. Look, forget it, I'm going to fuck off to class." I said half heartedly waving my hand in dismissal. I didn't notice the disturbed looks I was getting. I also wasn't able to get my second nap.

* * *

That fight left me with more questions than answers. Why do I say that?

I have never felt pain in my dreams. I am aware of certain ways to out of dreams, such as trying to put your fingers into one of your palms or pinching yourself.  
I have a more personal one. Music notes on piano never work together in my dreams. It's like the totems in Inception. I was able to ponder this while going through my classes at school. Which were fairly boring. And so fucking long.

But the main problem was I didn't know a lot of the material. It was convincing enough for a lot of the material to be logical but a few things didn't make any sense.  
World War 2 didn't happen. There was nothing on my textbooks about it, only "The Great War."

This means Hiroshima and Nagisaki were never nuked. I believe this is due to Devils or Azazel interfering.

The history in there was fascinating. A lot of my Earths pop culture doesn't exist. I went through a couple of things with Matsuda and Motohama. Testing them if they have ever heard of shit like Iron man or Batman. They knew nothing. We used computers for one of the classes and couldn't find shit on a lot of things from what I am now what I'm calling my Earth, Earth-616. And people are still using flip phones. Fucking flip phones! It's funny actually. In English, we had to write a story. I was sorely tempted to write out the first season of Highschool DxD for shits and giggles. My mind and body disagreed with myself when I tried to write. I am originally left handed, but Issei is right handed. So my writing came out like terribly. Didn't stop me from having fun though. I wrote about Game of Thrones. Trying to do that in four pages was hard enough.

My mind wasn't completely focused though. I had my eyes glancing over to Kiba. I just want to get the fuck out of here. When the last bell rang, I made my way to the music room. I opened the door to see if anyone was in there.

"Ehh Hello?"

Silence.

I went over to one of the pianos and started to play. I played a series of pieces. Singing along to a couple of them. And butchered the lyrics in the last song completely.  
"And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be qui-ite simple but now that I'm fucked, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in wordsss~" "How fucked my life is now I'm in this world~" I slumped down on the piano, making a grating sound that could be heard across the room. The pitch immensely disturbed my ears.

"...Fuck me."

"Hyoudou-san."

I jumped slightly in my seat, wondering where the sound came from. I saw a girl at the door giving me a curious glance. I don't know why. Long black hair reaching down to her knees, blue glasses and heterochromatic eyes. One being violet and the other light brown.

And I have no idea who she is.

"That is one of the most overused clichés in media and I should have seen it coming." I didn't even get a smile in return. "Like being there the entire time but the protagonist doesn't even realize it, ya know...yeah"

"Just say something please"

"I was unaware of your musical talent Hyodou-san" the girl said inquiringly as she walked forward. My eyes darted down slightly when her anti gravity breasts jiggled. I quickly looked away, a grimace on my face. "I was only testing a theory." The girl cocked an eyebrow.

"Testing if I'm in a dream or if my luck will take a swan dive off the roof..." I trailed off slightly. 'Of course I don't know her name. I only got through 3 and a half seasons of the anime and that was done within 3 days. She has long hair, therefore semi-important...that's it! She's in Sona's peerage or some shit like that. Don't know her name though, so woop dee fucking doo da to that. And oh fuck I should be more careful with my words.'

The pause continued to edge on.

"I should get going" I said as I put my bag on my back. "My apologies if I caused any problems, but I believe I overstayed my welcome." I said before shuffling past her.  
"You are welcome to come back, Hyoudou-san." she said before I was around the corner. I stopped in my tracks and looked back, giving her a slight nod. "Duly Noted."

* * *

Right, it is best to have the internal existential crisis in my head now rather than later.

I'm the world of High School DxD.  
I'm Issei Hyoudou, the main character.  
I know a decent amount of the future.  
So I must prepare for what is ahead.

So I must start with the fallen angel gal. Raynare. The best bet would be trying to awaken Ddraig. If I do that, I can try work out a deal similar to how Issei got balance breaker. But rather than I give up a decent amount of my lifespan for an instant power up, try a slow process of having myself have dragon like features. That's only if I awaken my sacred gear. So, gotta work on that.

If that doesn't work, there is plan B. Seduction. Try to become as lovable as fricken possible to the girl. I know she is sadistic and thinks high of herself and all. Try work with the stereotype a little. I can confront her alias, tell her to get Azazel, become pals with Azazel, shit would probably get better. Maybe work a deal, I help him out he helps me out.

I don't want to become a devil through the peerage system. That's slavery, fuck that shit. It would be best if I woke up or something now to avoid this convoluted mess in first place...

I banged my head slightly against a nearby wall.

'I got to deal with the problems as they come, one at a time. A lot of people are stronger than me now, but I will be better prepared.'

A small grin appeared on my face.

"This is where the fun begins." I said out loud, looking across the bridge I was walking on, seeing the cars go by.

"Excuse me you're Issei Hyoudou from Kuoh Academy right-"

My head snapped towards the voice in fear. I turned around I went pale when I saw who was talking to me.

"Or am I wrong?"

'Shit. Balls. Fuck. Cunt. I have no time to fucking prepare? I CAN'T GET A FUCKING GUN OR SOMETHING?! WHY CAN'T I GET GAMER ABILITIES OR SOME SHIT?  
Okay, Come on Jason, You can do this. Ya need to stay calm and think logically. She takes me on a date first so I have nothing to worry about for now, so stop acting like she will try TO FUCKING KILL ME!'

So i did the sanest thing anyway would do in this situation.

"You are wrong"

'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, NOPE, Don't fuck yourself over here, Jason. You need to stay alive'

Raynare was taken aback by my response, giving me a look of confusion.

"Wait sorry, Uh yes, I am Issei Hyoudou, the one and only and second off, why are you talking to me because believe me, very beautiful girls don't talk to me very often and you are making my heart beat faster." I said giving her a nervous smile.

My heart would give The Flash a run for its money. While Raynare is very attractive, she isn't the best I've seen. Also, if my suspicions are correct, I think she can hear my heartbeat. Which also means she might be able to tell if I was lying or not.

However, that only works when the other person is feeling calm.

Raynare blinked at my slightly, then gave me a warm smile. And by God it would have fooled me under normal circumstances.

"I just wanted to ask you a quick question, are you seeing someone right now?"

"No...why?"

"Really! That's wonderful! If that's the case, you think you would like to go out with me?"

I got closer to her, my face turning a bit sheepish. "I would, but to be fair, I've never went on a date before, and there are plenty of better guys than me."  
"I've been watching, you pass by here a lot and-"

"Wait, you stalking me?" I asked cocking an eyebrow.

"What no! It's just you seem so gentle and handsome and the thing is...I'd like for you to be my boyfriend!" she said with a pleading look.

"...How about this. Look, I'm not the great guy you think I am, so how about we go on a date, you see if you still like me or not and if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends, right?" I asked adding a smile at the end.

"That's wonderful! I love how you care about my feelings even though we just met! So can we go out on a date tomorrow or Saturday or some other time?"

"I'm free on Sunday, do you want to meet near the bell tower at 11a.m?"

"I would love that! I will see you then!" She said before walking off with a beaming smile on her face.

"Actually, before you go, do you want to walk to school together? And I haven't caught you're name yet"

"That would be perfect! And my name is Yuuma Amano."

'Wait, her name's fuckin' Yuuma? Not Raynare, wait oh. Yeah. Alias. Of course. But why, nobody is going to know who she really is.

"I'll see you tomorrow then!" I said as I waved her off half dismissively as I let my mind wander.

When she was out of my site, I dashed to the nearest alley and puked my guts out. After I minute, I sat on the ground, my back against the wall and right across my own puke. I was ill prepared for that. All of that. How are you supposed to deal with a woman that can slit your throat faster than you can call the cops and get away with it.  
However, during that conversation, it got me thinking. Thinking how can I deal with someone trying to kill me. And the best way was to have someone indebted to you. Which is why I invited her to walk to school together.

* * *

"Hey guys, meet Yuuma Amano." I said while holding my hand out to her.

"And these are my good buds Matsuda and Motohama" I said gesturing towards the two.

We were outside the gates of Kuoh Academy. Girls were walking in left and right and confused who Raynare was.

"Now Yuuma, I'm sorry that I couldn't walk you to school but I enjoyed spending time with you. Are you still up for the date on Sunday?"

She gave me that god damn smile.

"I'll see you then Issei! Don't forget about me!" She said as she hurriedly walked away from the school, smiling at me all the while. That smile will fucking haunt me.

I was brought out of my musings when Motohama got in front of me, glaring death into my eyes. "How did you do it?"

"...Motohama" I said with the upmost seriousness. "I promise you on the harem code, that I will tell the ways to a woman's heart. But trust me, there is something I really need to do right now. But I will tell you this. If I don't tell you today, I will never pursue a harem ever again"

"...Dear God."

"H-He's being serious!"

The harem code is something OG Issei, Motohama and Matsuda made at the start of school. It is one of the most retarded things I have ever read. It's in Issei little notebook and everything. It's include stuff like:  
'Do not take a woman from another's harem' and 'the number of which a wife is designated is based on breast size.'

It's retarded and I fucking love it.

"Issei. We will let you go, but you better tell us before lunch. We need to know these things as soon as possible!"

"Yeah man, I'll see ya later."

* * *

"Student Council."

That is the words I was looking for and greeted me after searching the school for a good 5 minutes. I knocked twice on the door before entering not really waiting for a response. Then closing the door. All eyes were on me, all of mixed emotions. Some with disgust, some with annoyance, some stared at me impassively. I found my target behind a sitting on a chair behind a large desk.

"Miss Student Council President, I would like to have 2 games of chess with you. Do you accept?"

Surprise was the most prominent emotion in the room.

"May I ask why you want to do that, Hyoudou-san?"

"Oh you know of me? Then there's no need for introductions. Look I'm doing a thing with a REALLY smart girl and I want to impress her and at the same time blow her mind an-"

"So you are doing this to impress a girl? You do realize your reputation puts you at a disadvantage. I see no reason wh-"

"Look Ms Student Council President, I know you are really smart at this game so if you just play 2 games with me I promise I will not be up to my usual habits for at least a month!"

"3 months or no deal." she shot back instantly.

"Deal."

"This is actually happening some girl with white hair asked from the other side of the room."

"Hyoudou-baka won't last 3 minutes"

"You are not the first girl to say that to me and second of all, that's what she said" Giving the girl a wink, causing a few laughs.

"The board is set up. Shall we begin?" Sona asked giving me an impassive stare.

"Lets."

* * *

"You are better than this than I thought. But you are still no match for me. Checkmate."

"So I lost, but I didn't do that bad right?" I asked sheepishly.

"For a beginner you did well. Compared to a master, horrible."

"I've never been one to drag out these long chess matches. Tell me Ms. Student Council President, have you ever used a chess clock to play he game?" I asked as I pulled one out of the bag. She gave me a curious look but responded coolly.

"I have seen them before, but never used them."

"Okay I want to do a game where we both have 1 minute each to win. Are you ready?"

"Of course."

That is when things took a change.

I started out as white, playing the queens gambit.

"You know, there are 2 different types of strategists. One that plays the long and thought out approach" I say as I move my pawn to e4. "Then there is someone like me that plays the quick and instinctive approach."

Realizing her mistake, she played her knight to F3.

"And when those strategists find themselves in unfamiliar areas, they tend to make mistakes."

"Just because you have better placement on the board doesn't mean you are winning Hyoudou-san" she said with amusement. Like a Master talking to his student. Very patronizing.

"But I have a lot more time than you have"

"Sona's eyes widened when she realized how much time has passed. Myself only on 52 seconds while she was on 35.

"I will just beat you before then."

"Ahh but what you don't know about the tactician that relies on instinct uses surprise attacks at the best time." I said as I go for the killing blow. Putting my pawn in a position to take her knight.

"You are a devil and plan to recruit Saji into your peerage correct?"

That was the first a time a girl has pinned me down. It was just like I imagined, if not for the amount of magical spears aimed at me.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Confrontation

Chapter 2 - The Confrontation

You know, a lot of guys would wish they were in the same situation as me. Surrounded by beautiful real anime girls with all their attention focused focused only on you. Sounds like a dream. But we already went through the dream stage already.

"How do you know that information, Hyoudou-san" Sona said with a cold glare directed towards me.

"Well uh, first of all! Can you please call off your lackeys? I was building up to something cool there. And I'm pretty sure you can tell I am 100% human and I promise you I mean no harm." I said with a bit of sweat falling down my forehead.

"You became a threat when you came into information of my heritage" she responded coolly.

"Oh come on so you are a devil! I don't care! How about I call you a threat for you knowing MY heritage, ehh?"

There was a collective blink by everyone in the entire room. People looking towards each other in confusion. The silence was broken by the chess clock going off on the table.

"Ha, I won" I said, a smug smile gracing my face.

"What do you mean?" A girl with white hair asked me, spear aimed at my neck.

"I believe I am the first of many male suitors to beat Sona Shitori at a game of chess" Crossing my arms with a shit-eating grin on my face. "And that also brings me to why I am here."

"That game hardly counts" Tsubaki scoffed beside Sona. "There was a foreign interference. The game would have been decided based on the position of the pieces and how many are left on each side.

"That would be true, However, there is a bit of a loophole in the Japanese Chess Rule Book. In the speed chess section. It states that "If a foreign intervention attacks a person on their turn, that person time is frozen and until the foreign intervention is removed will remain frozen. However, it does not account for the other person in play. And she didn't make her move. That is how, I was able to beat Sona Sitri at chess. You can check the rulebook, I doubt you don't have in here."

"How do you know my real name."

"...Are we not doing the chess thing, I was kinda hoping you'd you know, let me bask in glory there..."

"I have photographic memory, I don't keep books in here that I don't need. I am aware that you won. Congratulations. Now. How. Do. You. Know. My. Name...Hyoudou-san." She said gritting her teeth.

'Oh sweet Jesus I am so fucked.'

Everyone in the vicinity grimaced.

Holy shit. Wait...Anything about God harms devils?'

"This is your last chance Hyoudou-san. How do you know my name?"

'Sweet God, I'm a genius.'

"Oh right, I am so sorry, I kinda get why this kinda makes me look like I'm the bad guy but I have much better solution. How about we all skip the first class of the day, tell teachers that you are dealing with my perverseness and we all discuss this over a nice cup of tea. Does that sound good?" I asked while trying to lower one of the spears only to flinch and burn my hand.

"Kusaka" Sona said, without her eyes leaving mine.

"...Put the kettle on."

* * *

'This is a lot better' I thought to myself as the tea was being poured for myself.

It took a while for the rest of the student council to back off and for things to settle. I've definitely seen these people before in passing. Or the original Issei has.

I was given time to observe the how the others thought of me. Some held caution towards me. Some were giving me blank stares. This red head though, is giving me a look of pure loathing.

All the time taking to make the tea made we wonder.

What the fuck were they thinking when making those uniforms?

Okay, so the shirt looked all fine and dandy, so did the trousers. But the girls? what the fuck are they wearing? They look like someone saw a waistcoat for the first time, didn't know how to put it on, so just wrapped it around themselves upside down, then connecting the buttons in the middle. I have never seen something as stupid in my life.

The skirts barely covered any of the thighs. I genuinely curious what was going through peoples heads when making this stuff. But then I realised I was in a harem anime.

"Have you suddenly become gay Hyoudou-san?"

That brought me out of it. Allowing me to quirk an eyebrow at Tsubaki.

"You have went over 24 hours without perving on a single girl in class. You have been focusing your attention on the second year student, Yuuto Kiba and just now you were eyeing everyone in the room with mortification and pity."

"...You do make a decent argument, however I wouldn't be surprised if news got around that I have a date on Sunday. And that kind of brings us to why I am here in the first place" I said as crossing my fingers and leaning back into the couch.

"Your tea, Hyoudou-san"

"Thank you" I said as I took a sip.

And spat at right back into the cup.

"The Fuck is this? You trying to poison me or something?" I asked indignantly, getting up from my seat.

The rooms temperature dropped a good 20 degrees.

"What did you say, Issei Hyoudou?" The girl asked, tick marks all over her face.

Oh dear god, tick marks are real.

"Oh uhh one sec, what type of tea is this?" I asked trying not to show my fear.

"Normal. Green. Tea." She said getting closer and snatching the cup out of my hand.

"Ahh, I see the problem there" I said, wiping the sweat from my forehead. "Well how will I put this, Green Tea to me tastes like cancer. I like every other tea that isn't green. As long as there is 3 sugars. A lot of milk helps. So I am very sorry but don't kill me and can we get to the reason why we were called here in the first place?" I asked, rambling on nervously.

"How do you know my real name." Oh great the same question. She'd give a broken record a run for its money.

"Well I know about the supernatural. So I know about the different factions and all that jazz and I guess that includes celebrities."

"How did you first come to know about the supernatural?"

"...You know you guys give out fliers and stuff. It's not really that hard to find out about the supernatural, devils especially with their little guild thing they got going on" I said, looking at her in amusement. Her eyes narrowed but continued on with the questioning.

"Why did you come to me."

"Because I need your help." Surprised filled the air, followed by curiosity.

"...And why is that?" her eyes furrowing, trying not to look intrigued while still keeping a wary eye on me.

"You see, I mentioned earlier that I have a date? And that girl is a fallen angel. Sent to kill me. To make sure that I don't awaken my sacred gear." I said as seriously as possible.

A mixture of different emotions crossed her face. Then suddenly she leaned back into her chair and studied me for a few seconds. More relaxed than before.

"I see, and why is it that you need me when you have already been trained in magic?" She asked, curiousity and satisfaction gracing her features.

"Ah well you see, I only know things about the supernatural. I can whole heartedly tell you that I have no training in any sorts of magic. Why do think I do?" I asked, curious myself.

Sona was taken aback, blinking in confusion before pursing her lips into a thin line.

"You have a stronger than average magical reserve than a normal human" she said, waving her hand dismissively. "If I had to guess, some basic training to the point where would be a hedge mage but nothing more."

"Ahh well okay, anyway I'm going to get to the point. I can't deal with fallen angels or most supernaturals. And I can't keep them off my back forever." I leaned forward. "That is why I am asking for your help."

"...I can offer you a solution. Rias Gremory-"

"Wait, before you go any further, can this conversation be just between you and me? Come on, You've already figured out I'm not a threat. At least physically or magically so is there like a private room we can talk in because the rest of the people in this room have been watching us like hawks and I am simply not comfortable with that. Sooo, can we do that?"

"What! No! Things were just getting good." Said a girl with brown hair and twin ponytails. 'Dear god, twin ponytails actually exist?' I thought to myself putting a hand on my forehead. 'I am not used to being animate-How the fuck does somebody get used to being animated? Come, you can get through this. Maybe this game is over when you finish season 4. Life would be a lot easier then.' The red head however, interrupted my train of thought.

"I say we put this to a vote. All in favour that the council stay-"

"Leave."

That one word by Sona quieted down everyone in the entire room.

"From now on this is a private matter and will not be further discussed until Issei feels comfortable.

"But Pres-"

"Enough. I will call for the rest of you when you are needed. For now, go to class."

With that said, everyone quickly left, giving bows before leaving. Leaving me and Sona alone. Sipping our tea like there isn't a care in the world.

"Is this a better setting, Hyoudou-san?"

"Yes, thank you and I just want to you here and now, I am not joining anyone's peerage." I snorted to myself "and definitely not someone like Rias" I said taking another sip of my tea.

Sona's eyes narrowed, looking at me with scrutiny.

"I'm surprised someone with your...hobbies that you wouldn't jump at the chance to be in her peerage."

"It's because she knows already about the fact the fallen angel chick is going to try and kill me and she plans to take advantage of that."

"How so? By saving your life, therefore becoming indebted to her?" She asked inquisitively.

I blinked in surprise. That...actually made a decent amount of sense. She should have done that in the anime. Wouldn't make me dislike her as much.

"Ah well, no, you see, Rias has this over convoluted plan of having me be killed by the fallen chick, save me with the evil pieces therefore, without protest add me to her little collection"

There was a pause. Followed by the cup in hand shattering. But that wasn't done by me.

I looked away from my hand covered in tea that was currently drying by rubbing my hand to look up at Sona.

And she is livid.

"Rias is not that shallow. Hyoudou." Sona said, gritting her teeth and violently shaking her cup of tea that a little bit spilled.

"Her rook has been following me, ya know. I placed a bug on her when I figured she was. It just so happens that I heard the Rias entire plan to my luck."

"And with what proof do you make these...allegations."

"I don't have proof, don't need it and we have already went off conversation. I came here looking for your help. And I know you devils don't exactly work for free. So here's my little offer" I said as I leaned forward in my seat.

"You protect me and my family from supernatural threats and I will show you a loophole in the peerage system to where a person with a sacred gear worth the queen piece, can be used as a single pawn."

Sona's eyes widened before a calm smile graced her features.

"I Sona of house Sitri, accept the deal proposed to me by human, Issei Hyoudou and promise to uphold it in good faith, if he upholds his end of the bargain."

White magic circles appeared around both me and Sona prompted me to do the same little speech.

"I Issei of house Hyoudou, promise to uphold my end of the bargain if Sona of house Shitori does the same."

The white line joined the 2 circles then disappeared.

That was a bit anti-climatic, I thought to myself looking at the floor, waiting for some burst of colourful lights or something.

'That spell seems like it could be easily taken advantage of, you could cause a paradox. Jeez, is this world's magic as fucked up as it is in Harry Potter?'

"Now Issei-san, would like to tell me of the loophole you said existed in the peerage system." She asked with a warm smile on her face.

"I would, but I just want to tell you I'm pretty sure your sister listening in on this conversation, if you want to come on out, Serafall Leviathon." I said as I held my arms out waiting for her to teleport.

Panic crossed Sona's features. But that panic disappeared as nothing continued to happen.

3 seconds past and there was no teleporter.

5 seconds.

10 seconds.

20 seconds.

Sona raised an eyebrow at me and smirking devilishly at me.

"Is she now?"

"Wait for it"

A good minute passed before I sighed, and dropped my head down "Okay. I might be-"

"YAHOO" Said a beautiful girl wearing all pink.

I will not confirm nor deny jumping a meter into the air.

"Your lovely, miraculous girl Levi-tan is here!" She said finishing off giving me a wink.

Two thoughts crossed my mind at this moment.

One was 'Oh fuck' the other was 'Fuck yes!'

Because now a life of peace depends of whether or not I get on the right side of this woman.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Date Part 1

"I'm so happy to see you! What's the matter? You look soo sad. Your face is all red, aren't you glad to see your big sister again?! I'm here to acquire a lot more happiness from you. COME ONN! You should be running into my arms and telling me how much you missed me then I'll be like "Oh Sona, I missed you too" and then I'll give you a big fat kiss and you will kiss me back and that will lead to some girl-on-girl action and wouldn't that be hottt?" Serafall said, getting into Sona's face.

Now I can admit to not watching all of the anime. Just 3 and a half seasons. And I knew like Sirzechs, that Serafall was a bit of a sis-con.  
But it still took me a good few seconds to process what she said.

"The fuck did I just hear?"

Then I was knocked off my chair, giving a high pitched yelp, the chair coming with me, turning on its side. Leaving me groaning in pain on the other I opened my eyes, what greeted me was a magical staff pointed directly into my face.

"Don't you be using that foul language in front of my So-tan! She might use it herself! Then my poor Sona wont be as innocent, and then she will find out other bad words and that'll be so sad!" She said while pouting at me.

Of course, I didn't see that as pouting.

I believe I just pissed off Serafall Leviathan. Which is bad. Very Bad. Worse than the situation was moments ago.

Because I am still in immense pain, I don't think anything is broken or fractured but clearly showed the power gap between me and her.

To properly imagine how I feel, imagine this:

I am an ant. And she is THE FUCKING DEATH STAR.

Like fuck, how does someone even deal with that?

"That's enough, sister. Please let him go."

'Thank fuck for Sona'

"But Sona-channn"

"Enough, Sister, why have you been spying on my conversations? This is a direct violation of my privacy and I am deeply disappointed in you. What were you thinking? All I want is independence and-""Wait Sona, Please, stop" I said while wheezing slightly.

"I shouldn't be in this room when you are having this conversation. Can you two try to make up with each other when I'm not here because now I feel like a dick because I kinda ratted on Serafall and that may have led to a bad relationship which between sisters should always be close and I am definitely rambling now so I am going to shut up." I said while standing and looking like an idiot.

I grabbed onto the chair and pulled in upright towards the two, Within a millisecond, Serafall had the chair upright and had her arms around my neck.

"Oh wow! You see! Foul-mouth-chan understands that's sisters should LOVE each other and go beyond just loving each other But-"

"We will talk about this later, sister. For now, let's get back to business" Sona said gesturing towards the chair.

"Yippee!" Serafall shouted as she somersaulted into the chair.

She patted the spot next to her and aimed a smile towards me.

'Oh thank god' I thought as I awkwardly took the seat, breathing a sigh of relief.

"So" I said a little shakily "You don't mind your sister being here as tell you the uhh...thing?"

"Serafall Leviathan will not break my trust when she is already on such a thin line. However, Even though I cannot stop you, there would be benefits to you not sharing this information to other factions. Do you agree to this?"

'Great, now I feel like the asshole'

"I didn't plan on telling anyone other than you on this matter but I will tell you anyway. Now please don't interrupt me as I give my explanation. Actually it's very simple. Just remove the sacred gear of the person you want to reincarnate, reincarnate him or her when they die then simply give it back to them."

The room was silent for a few seconds. But what broke it, was Serafall springing out of her seat and looking at me in wonder.

"Oh wow! That's amazing! I wonder why nobody thought of that before? It has so much potential! That's so cool!" Serafall said getting a little too close to me. But damn I have to admit that she's cute.

Cute. But Scary.

Very Fucking Scary.

So there is one solution for this.

"Uh, can we move on to my problem?" I asked Sona, moving away slightly from Serafall.

"Ah...I believe we should. Tell me Issei-san, How do you want to deal with your bird problem?"

I was going to give a rehearsed answer that I had thought up of for a good hour last night. But then I looked over to who was beside me. And a flash of inspiration hit me.  
"I just thought of the most brilliant thing..."

* * *

"It's Sunday" I said to myself out loud. "That means I have my date!" I said in glee.

As you can tell the conversation with me, Sona and Serafall went well. Extremely well considering I am alive right now. But I may have made this day the happiest or funniest day of my life so far.

The first thing I did to prepare for my date was to play the song "Stayin' Alive" on repeat and do everything with a shit eating grin on my face. I got dressed and sped downstairs.

"Woah son, calm down there" dad said to me while at the table eating breakfast. "You will bring the house down."

"Hey Dad!" I said, still grinning like a maniac as I came up behind him giving him a hug. "It's good to see ya" I said ruffling his hair.

"Issei?" My mom questioned as she turned towards me from the sink "what's got you in such a great mood?" she asked quizzitively.

"You wouldn't believe me I told ya, but anyway, have I ever told ya how great parents you two are? Because you guys are honestly the best for putting up with me. ANYWAY!" I said before they could give a response "I'm going out today, I will see you guys later!" I said taking three pieces of toast before leaving through the door.

Mr. and Mrs. Hyoudou gave each other a puzzled look, confused by their sons antics.

"Any idea why he's so chipper?" Mr. Hyoudou asked his wife.

"I think he's back to his usual self" she replied with a sigh.

"What do you mean by that?" Mr. Hyoudou asked confusedly.

"You haven't noticed? For the last few days he hasn't been...himself, I was a bit worried by his change of attitude. He acted more calm and less perverted."

"You know our son is never not going to be a pervert" Mr. Hyoudou said, rolling his eyes. "He's loved boobs before he even hit puberty."

"Have you seen his room?"

"Of course I have, it's full of hentai, has a bed and he has a body pillow in the wardrobe."

"It isn't like that anymore."

"What?"

"He's taking down all of his porn posters and put it in his closet. The only thing left is that stupid alarm clock when he wakes up."

"So he's trying to be a normal person in society? Honey, that is the best news I have heard all day!" Mr. Hyoudou said, going up to his wife and wrapping an arm around her.  
"After maybe two days of rehab he is back to his usual self." Mrs. Hyoudou said, sighing under her breath.

"Hey, he's trying. Maybe there is hope we will have grandchildren one day" Mr, Hyoudou said, a warm comforting smile on his face.

"...Maybe."

* * *

Raynare is about 30 minutes late but I still didn't care. The large shit eating grin has still not left my face since morning.

I have been walking around Kuoh earlier to get used to the layout, knowing my tendency to easily get lost. I printed out a map, seeing the route I drew earlier in preparation for my date.

If all works out like I hope to, this date will not turn out that bad.

My thoughts were interrupted with the arrival of my date.

"Hey Issei-kun!" Raynare greeted me, same innocent look on her face.

"Oh Hey uhh, Ray-"

Oh fuck.

Wait...wait wait wait.

THE FUCK IS HER FAKE NAME AGAIN?

"-of sunshine!"

PLAY IT FUCKING COOL JASON.

"What's took ya so long! I was worried you weren't going to come and thought da worst, ya know how it is and...yeah. SO! Why ya late? Was there an emergency or something?" I rambled frantically.

I will admit, it was funny seeing the look of bewilderment on her face. It soon turned into giggles and she gave a small laugh.

"My friends held me up, they wanted me to look my best for the date" she said apologetically, twiddling her fingers in an adorable manner.

"Oh well...they definitely did a good job there!" I said, giving her a once over and a thumbs up.

"Hehehe, so where are we going?"

"Ahh well, follow me, lets walk and talk."

* * *

"So I thought to myself, how can I make this the most memorable first date as possible? Because it's usually walks on the beach, fancy schmancy restaurant or a carnival. All of those are the promised to work on a first date."

"Oh? So which one of them are you taking me to?"

"None."

"What?"

"Well, they work, but ya know, I was thinking I needed to be honest with ya. So, I brought you to the place that best represents the type of person I am. And if we turn the corner right here...then we will be right there."

About 20 meters away, was a sight that I have been craving for the last few days. A world wide restaurant with tasty food that's affordable.

I'm not used to Japanese customs yet. It's the small things that put me off. Like everyone having breakfast at the same time. And it always being rice! So what I really need right now is a nice juicy burger.

"...You brought me to McDonalds?"

"Exactly" I said beaming right up at the store. "So let's get some lunch!"

* * *

"The fuck are half of these things?" I asked, looking at the menu above the counter. "What the hell is a Tsukimi Burger?"

"You've never had one?"

"What? No, I have normal food. A double cheeseburger, some fries and a coke." I replied dismissively, still skimming the menu. "Le Gran Sausage? What the fuck are these names?" But before I knew it I was at the top of the line.

"Hello, How can I help you?" The McDonalds employee asked.

"Uhh, can I get uhh double cheeseburger, large fries and uhh medium coke."

"Anything else?"

"Oh shit, hey what do you want?" I asked Raynare beside me.

Raynare rambled off her order and I paid the cashier. I told Raynare to get us some seats and that I'll bring over the food. All I asked was to get the seat so I was looking at the front door. Because, that is my queue for when phase 2 of the plan begins.

* * *

There wasn't much talking while we were eating the food. I was enjoying it and I would have generally liked Raynare if she wasn't doing an overly elaborate way of trying to kill me which eventually is going to bite her in the ass.

I was seated facing the door within a booth beside a window. When I was done my food I started chatting with Raynare about likes, hobbies, normal date stuff.

But after a few minutes, I saw the best part of the date come through the front door.

"Now Raynare, I wanted to make this date as memorable as possible, while still showing you the type of person I am" I said, wrapping my hand around hers. "So I did something special for you" I said, a genuine smile coming on to my face.

"Aww, that's so sweet of you! I knew you were kind when I asked to be your girlfriend! But what is it?" She asked curiously.

"Foul-Mouth-chan!" Serafall motherfucking Leviathan exclaimed, glomping me into a hug.

As soon as Raynare realized who Serafall was, she instantly went pale and started to tremble. She tried to speak multiple times but she couldn't quite grasp the situation. Only being able to let one word leave her mouth.  
"W-what?"

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, if you got a notification for this earlier, I fucked up the layout so I had to redo it. Also, I had to get my appendix removed and I had mid-term exams. So sorry for late update!**


	4. Chapter 4 - The Date Part 2

I never knew it took being thrown into a harem anime to be grinning ear to ear. And not for reasons most people would be thinking of.

Because any plans of Raynare trying to off me just got thrown out the window, put in a box, then sent to space.

A joke about A devil, fallen angel and a human walked into a bar crossed my mind making me giggle slightly.

"Oh wow! A fallen angel? Have you come to take foul-mouth-chan away from me?!"

I couldn't hold it in. I just started laughing uncontrollably. I had but one thought in my mind.

'This day can't get any better.'

* * *

If you asked Rias Gremory about her life, she would say that she has enjoyed every minute of it.

She has a family that she adores, lives in a beautiful city and her best friend is but a teleport away.

However, there is one part in her life that she is not keen on.

There are a lot of expectations that come with being heir to House Gremory. For starters, you are expected to treat your peerage with affection. This is something that Rias Gremory has no qualms about. She adores each and every one of her peerage, the feeling in mutual for everyone within it. She would be content with spending the rest of her life with them.

However, she used to think that this was unlikely to happen.

Until recently that is.

Issei Hyoudou.

A member of the dubbed 'perverted trio', a boy that cares more about breasts than his studies.

But also a holder of a sacred gear.

A Longinus type, specifically.

She's aware that if she had a Longinus sacred gear holder in her peerage that she still wouldn't be able to get out of her marriage contract with Riser Phenex. But becoming the champion of the Rating-Game is a title that would hold more sway then marrying a pure-blooded devil.

Since Rias Gremory was a young girl, she has had this dream.

Her brother, Sirzechs Lucifer, is has always helped in this matter, which is why he has always had a helping hand in finding a peerage to match her dream.

However, Rias believes that dream can become possible with Issei Hyoudou.

Rias was brought out of her musing when she got a call from Koneko.

"There's been a development."

"Is she trying to kill him already?" Rias asked anxiously.

"No."

"Then what happened?"

"Serafall Leviathan happened."

"...What?"

* * *

"What are you doing with my foul-mouth-chan? Is this a date? Do you want a harem? If not why didn't you say so? I could bring my peerage and we could of had all sorts of fun!"

I admit I was on the edge of making a scene. I was on the edge of not being able to hold in my laughter. I ended up slightly crying by the end of it.

I have never met a woman quite like Serafall Leviathan.

"Kinky."

"Ahem, Is there room for one more?" Rias Gremory asked. "Everywhere else is full."

I looked up and raised my eyebrows slightly, seeing Rias Gremory with a pleasant smile on her face.

"Rias-chan! I didn't know Issei invited you! Come! Sit beside Fallen-chan!"

"Wait aren't you gonna get some food before jumping into this fuckfest?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Huh?! Foul-mouth-chan? I didn't know you were so bold!"

"Wait hold on for a second there Sera, why did you come here in the first place?" I asked Rias pointedly. "Why not send it Koneko?"

"Because I came to talk to you"

I started to exasperatedly rub my forehead with my fingers. "Look, kid, I know about your little shin-dig, with you planning to slap me into your peerage when Raynare was going to try to kill me." I said gesturing to the fallen angel. "So cut to the chase."

"You knew?" Raynare stared at wide-eyed. "You knew I was going to kill you, that my name isn't Yuuma...You set me up. Didn't you?" Raynare said with a snarl evident in her voice.

"That's your fucking name!" I said snapping my fingers. "I was wondering for this entire date what your name was. I nearly called you Raynare when I saw ya for the first time. But of course I miraculously saved myself from making that slip. Isn't that right, my RAYnare of sunshine?" I asked, a grin spreading across my face.

I felt like I was taunting a mass murdering psycho while behind unbreakable glass.

It was only then when Koneko came up to the table, tray in hand, drinking from a straw that made a sound that got everyone's attention.

"Sup"

It was then when I noticed that there was no one left in the McDonalds.

It was Me, Serafall, Rias, Raynare, Koneko and a couple of McDonalds employees cleaning up a couple of tables.

"Where did everyone go?"

"I took care of them."

"...That hardly seemed necessary."

"Shut up, perv."

"Ah, back to this again. Same old shit over and over again. And you know what? You call me a perv? Then I have equal right to call you a stalker considering how you have been following me for the past few days like a lost dog."

I wasn't dignified with a response.

I looked around the table. Rias looked like she really wanted to say something but couldn't put it into words. I decided to takeover.

"Ya know I set up a lot of contingency plans if this shindig didn't work out the way I wanted" I said, making conversation. "I considered putting in a laxative into your food, Raynare. Or maybe some rat poison to kill you off. Then again, I'm not too keen on killing people, even if they wanted to kill me. I know you prefer the more, yeet a spear into my chest approach. But I'm old fashioned so there's that to consider too." I finished offhandedly, taking a sip from my coke.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Raynare near shouted at me.

"Me? What the hell is wrong with you young lass? Here I was, enjoying pretending not to know about the supernatural, when you decided to haul your ass into my life, try to make me want to get a quick fuck out of you and then you were gonna off me. It took me 3 fucking hours of planning the perfect date for you to fall in love with me so you wouldn't kill me. Only then I realized that it wasn't worth taking that risk and I couldn't live with myself if I did so. Do you know what I could have been doing in those 3 fucking hours? But no, you had to play the cunt card. Like why didn't you just find a quick way to off me when no one was looking? Are you that fucking sadistic? Ya twisted fuck."

"I regret not killing you when I had the chance." Raynare said through gritted teeth.

"Well whoop-dee-fucking-do-da. Because Rias there was going to reincarnate me when I died."

"That was never my intention, Hyoudou-san."

"This ought to be good, Rias, why did you have your servant give me the flyer to summon you?"

"I did it to protect you, Hyoudou-san."

What?

"Scuse me?"

"I wasn't aware that you knew of the supernatural until recently. You hold a sacred gear. And if my guess is correct, a very powerful one. This makes you a threat to a lot of supernatural factions. I felt it was my responsibility to protect you in case of that happening."

It was then when I realized my mistake.

I had no proof that Rias was going to take advantage of my death. Sure I could mention explain in detail Rias's entire plan to deal with her marriage but I still wouldn't have proof.

I was on the urge of give a complete verbal tongue lashing out Rias too but I stopped myself.

I need to stay in control.

I've been acting arrogant. Ever since getting into this world, because I know the future and have set up contingency plans doesn't mean everything will go my way.

I need to stay calm.

"Under normal circumstances I would believe you. I like to think the best of people. But considering what I know about your current situation and personality, I find you to be a more dishonest person because of that."

"Hyoudou-san, please, we have never talked to each other before today and it's not fair to judge me someone that you never met. That is why I wished to observe you before I made an offer for you to join my peerage."

"Can we talk about this later or sometime tomorrow when I'm less mad or acting like an asshole or when we are with company?" I said, gesturing to Raynare.

"Don't mind me, best fuckin' thing I've seen all day" Raynare replied, sipping her coke.

Wait.

Her coke.

"You are drinking my coke."

"Mine now, dickhead."

"Sera, you didn't think of stopping her?"

"Couples always share food! Like that one movie where a dog meets a lady dog and they eat spaghetti and they kiss, it's romantic!"

"...Look, lasses, I need to get myself a cup of coffee. Otherwise I might say a couple of things I'll regret later. Anybody want something?" I asked the group.

"Oh! Oh! Strawberry milkshake, Issei-chan!" Serafall piped up.

"Right then, I'll be back in a jiff."

"Hey dickhead, get me another coke."

"Fuck off Raynare you don't get coke."

* * *

I was left with time to ponder while waiting for my coffee and the strawberry milkshake.

I expected Rias to be brash and not have a backup for why Koneko was stalking me.

She is a lot more clever than I gave her credit for.

She wants me to join her peerage because of the marriage contract with Riser...but maybe there's a loophole in the contract.

Maybe I can help Rias out of her drama then never bothers me again. If I never awaken my sacred gear or refuse to altogether, a lot less people would be after me. Considering how canon Issei lasted 17 years before people found out about his sacred gear.

That doesn't mean people won't try to kill me anyway for my sacred gear.

Fuuckkkk.

I really should have thought this through a lot better.

* * *

"I got the drinks"

"A large milkshake? You do know how to spoil a woman!" Serafall exclaimed happily.

"You actually got the fallen a coke?" Koneko asked me.

"Nope, this is for me, same with the coffee. Ya hear that?...bird brain?"

"You're alarm clock is more original than you'll ever be."

"...That's probably the scariest thing you have said to me today. SO! Before I have a panic attack, can we deal with the Raynare situation now?"

"We're not killing her here."

"Ah well, about that" I said as I rubbed the back of my head. "I would hope you wouldn't kill her at all."

"She was going to kill you Hyoudou-san, this is what is expected of those that break the law." Rias retorted.

"Well the thing is she has a couple of friends hanging in the abandoned church."

"How the FUCK do you know about that?" Raynare not-so-politely asked, shooting out of her seat while doing os.

"The dark side of the force is a path to many abilities some consider unnatural. In other sense, not telling you. Anyway there's a small blonde chick, a tall tanned chick with I think light blue hair and a guy named Dohnaseek. He wears big brown coat."

"He remembers the guys name" Raynare muttered. "Should had have him on this mission."

"There's also a crazy priest called Siegfried. Be careful of him."

"How do you know all this Issei-kun?" Serafall asked me inquisitively.

"Through a perfectly moral and legal channel. Look I just don't want people dying because of me. It would cause some emotional turmoil that I'm not ready for."

"What would you suggest?" Rias asked.

"Lock'em up for trespassing or causing disturbances of your territory or something similar. Do some small time interrogation, get information, the works. But be careful of Siegfried. He's like Joker with a sword."

"Joker with a sword?"

"Think extremely fuckin' crazy. Scary too. That's all I know. So do you think you can lock them up too while you have Raynare? Considering the fact that is kinda your responsibility with taking up the whole territory thing."

"Consider it done!" Rias said with a bright smile. Almost as if she is happy to deal with the whole arc with Asia without anything happening to the poor girl if she comes to Kuoh.

"Well then I propose a toast" I said rising up from my seat. "To one of the worst first dates I have ever had and to making new friends in the meantime. Cheers!" I said, raising my coke in hand.

Serafall bumped it with her milkshake while the rest either didn't have a drink or was Koneko. Who didn't see the need in doing so.

"Alright so how about we continue this conversation tomorrow, alright? You all know where to find me. Oh yeah, And Raynare?"

"Fuck off"

"Ya know what? Fuck it" I was originally going to give my coke as a final meal of sorts but she started to push me over the edge. So of course, I dumped the coke all over her clothes.

"It was nice meeting y'all, Sera, thanks for tagging along and saving my ass and fuck you too Raynare!" I shouted as I left through the front door.

A feeling of relief flushed through me as I left.

I survived my first encounter with the fallen angels.

Now all I have to do is find Asia.

...Should be easier then surviving a murder attempt.


	5. Chapter 5 - Arguments and Amends

"If you don't wake up now, I'm going to start getting dirty, and by dirty, I MEAN TEAR OFF YOUR B-"

*Smack!"

I fucking hate that alarm clock. But you know what I hate more?

Waking up at 6 a.m. to go to school.

Groggily, I reached out for my glasses before remember that I had perfect vision.

"Still going through this bullshit"

But I haven't gotten to the worst part.

I'm 70% sure that canon me woke up right next to Rias Gremory, tits out and everything. So it makes complete sense that I wouldn't since I gave the impression that I despised her.

Even though I don't like her, I would be the first to admit that she is a hot piece of ass.

Damn.

* * *

Another thing I hate about living in a Japanese home is breakfast.

To put it simply, it's rice.

Now don't get me wrong, I like rice, but you start to get sick of it after a while, which is why yesterday I took the toast the first chance I got.

But at the moment, no one was up awake.

So that's why no one knew that I chugged down 2 beers and with my bread and butter.

Because if Hana (my mother) found out I was drinking before school, I wouldn't be able to leave the house for a week.

...And I got better things to do than wait and let bullshit happen.

* * *

I didn't really have time to appreciate how beautiful Kuoh Academy was, with me worrying about being offed like a Team Rocket grunt. So when I walked into school feeling the best I have felt in days, I allowed myself to take in the site.

It's more like a college campus.

When I started to get weird looks from not just the girls, I hurried away in an attempt to fins Matsuda and Motohama. They were lying on a grass hill, a little over a minute away from me.

"Wassupppp!"

I didn't get a response.

"Guys?"

"Issei, I think it's about time we talk," Motahama said, patting the ground next to him.

"Guys? what's this about"

"YO! What the fuck Issei?" Matsuda said, running up to me and decking me right in the face. "You swore! You swore on the harem code! that you would tell me how you got Yuuma. But you ditched us! You think, just because you got a girlfriend that you can turn your backs on us?! She turned you against us! How could-"

This is the start of a rant that went on for a little more than 3 minutes, with Motahama trying to put in his own 2 cents but his words were drowned out by Matsuda's impassioned speech.

"You are my Nakama! If I have to choose a harem over one of my best friends, I'd have to at least think about it for 10 minutes before choosing the harem!"

I wanted to get off the ground and explain myself, but I found myself drawn into his speech like everyone else was.

"Thrown to the wind! Just like the Foxy arc in One Piece.

Wait One Piece exists?

It got to the extent where a small crowd started to form.

"And if this is what it's like before you even went on a date than I don't want any part of it!" he shouted, holding my shirt, and gazing at me with intense eyes.

The crowd started to clap and cheer, I distinctly heard someone shout yaoi.

But I realized that this is my chance to make things better between me and guys.

I broke the harem code.

And I shall take my punishment.

"You are right Matsuda" I said, as I got up from the ground. "Ray-YUUMA! Yuuma! I said Yuuma! She turned me against you! You and Motohama! So there is only one thing I must do. I promise to you, that I am breaking up with Yuuma."

Gasps were heard throughout the audience.

"I think I read something like this in a yaoi manga."

I turned my head and saw a girl that wore spectacles, had gold-colored eyes, and lightly messy brunette hair tied into braids on each side.

I racked around in my head for a moment before figuring out her name. Aika...something.

"That brings me to my second announcement, with my public breakup, leaves me single. However, I broke the harem code meaning I can not look for a harem until I earn my way back in. With that in mind, I will be reverting to my old ways."

Groans and looks of distaste were made by the audience.

"HOWEVER! I promise you all, I will never non-consensually peak on another girl from this school, or anyone else in general, on the condition that let's say...Murayama!"

"If you think that-"

"Goes on a date with my friend Matsuda, and Aika goes on a date with my other good friend Motohama within the week!"

"Are you trying to-"

"This is a one time offer!" I exclaimed loudly. "Either you two go on a date with my buddies or I go back to my old ways. Take it or leave it?"

"Why should I care if you go back to perving or not," Aika asked amused.

"You will be loved by the female populous for the next week, been thanked for taking one for the team. And secondly, you have never been on a date before so this would actually be some good practice for you."

Aika seemed to be considering it for a moment but Murayama was giving me a death glare like no other.

"How dare you," she said through gritted teeth. "If you think for a second that I'm going to allow you extort me so you can get a date for that perverted bastard, you are mistaken," She said, brandishing her sword.

"You hear it, ladies! Thanks to Murayama, I will be going back to my old ways! This all could have been prevented if she just took one for the team!" I said dramatically.

The other girls started to badger Murayama into taking the offer, Murayama kept glaring at me.

"Why me, why not someone else? Why me, in particular?"

"You interrupted my nap and I hold grudges" I responded, grinning mischievously at me.

Her face went through a turmoil of emotions before I look of realization came across her face.

"I won't."

Boos are jeers came from the audience.

"Because you won't peak on the girls anyway."

"What makes you think that?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You started acting differently before you got a girlfriend. You do know everyone started talking to Yuuma the day you introduced them to the losers. We all talked to her, saying how despicable a person you are. But the morning before you introduced Yuuma to the pervs, You acted completely different. You weren't eyeing up every girl, you didn't even stare at my boobs. You got angry when I hit you. You didn't even remember my name..."

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Issei, what happened the first time we met?" She asked in a serious tone.

"You think you're that special that I'd remember the first time we met?" I asked, letting my other eyebrow join my forehead.

"That's another thing! You were never this-" She stumbled, waving her hand at me. "Dismissive!"

"Look, woman, what are you trying to prove here?"

"I swear, I will go on this date with Matsuda if you can tell me the names of 5 people in the kendo club."

It was at this moment I realized what was going on.

Murayama is a side character, barely mentioned apart from that one OVA where she gets tentacled.

So to find out she is this observant is surprising.

Murayama doesn't think that Issei Hyoudou is someone else. But she realizes that I'm not the perverted Issei Hyoudou she knows.

And I can't have her thinking that.

"No Murayama, you can't make that bet! You're going to catch pervert!" A pink-haired girl went up to Murayama, a desperate look on her face.

"Well for starters, that's Katase," I said pointing to the girl in question. "You're Mur-"

"I don't count."

"You're adding rules!"

"You have been perving on all the girls here for at least a year. Are you telling me you don't know the names of the others in the kendo club?"

"Well, umm, uhh, Kiba! Yuuto Kiba is in the club!" I responded, a grin plastering my face.

"The kendo club is a girls-only club."

Silence, absolute silence filled the clearing. people were looking at me in uttermost confusion, Motohama and Matsuda were looking at me like this was the first time we ever met. Murayama was looking at me dead in the eyes. An emotion portrayed on her face that I couldn't quite grasp

"I remember sizes a lot better than names, I can do that for ya. Besides, there are so many girls in this school, you can't possibly expect to remember every girl's name. But I'll make ya another deal, if you agree to this date, then I'll answer any questions you have about me later, deal?"

"Why don't you just tell me now?"

"Because that would ruin my cool-guy image" I responded, charmingly. Though everyone else seemed to groan at me. "So go on, take it, or leave it."

"...On the date, there will be no kissing, no perving, and I won't be paying for anything" she said, turning to Matsuda, getting a loud whoop of cheer out of the guy.

"Does that stand for you too, Aika?"

"Oh I'm joining you for that conversation, I've got a couple of questions for you too."

"You brilliant son of a bitch!" Matsuda shouted, grabbing in a bear hug from behind and lifting me into the air. "You fucking did it! You are the manliest of men! Taking the ultimate of ultimate sacrifices for your friends! Forget what I said about the Harem Code, you're a fucking brilliant son of a bi-

Matsuda declaring his endless love of me was cut off when the bell rang from the school.

Which meant now I had to suffer school.

Fuck.

* * *

After hours of fucking bullshit, Lunch finally came along.

Which is when I was escorted to the Student Council Room by two lovely ladies.

Both of which I completely forget the names of, but still. Sooner or later, people are going to think I turned into some casanova, the way things are going.

Not that I would mind that, it would be a great ego boost.

In less than 3 minutes, I found myself in front of the Student Council Room.

"You will wait here for the ti-wait!"

"Hey, Sona!" I called as I entered the room. "You too, Rias, Akeno, Koneko, Tsubaki...I forget the rest of you. Is Sera not around?" I asked while looking around the room.

There was a distinct lack of Student Council members present. Only Sona, Tsubaki, a red-haired lass, and the sidest of side characters that had long brown hair with pigtails.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Ara ara, you must be Issei Hyoudou. I don't believe we've met" Akeno said, smiling that smile of hers.

"Well, it's hard to forget someone pretty as you are" I responded, taking a seat beside her.

"A charmer too? A pleasure to meet you."

"Ahem" Sona coughed to get my attention. "I believe it's about time we have our talk."

"I agree, so where should we start?"

"Have you awakened your sacred gear?"

"Nope. Don't plan to either."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons, any reason this isn't just you, me and Rias here? Didn't expect the company...Damn you, me and Rias, that's going to stick in the mind for a bit."

"Personal reasons. And I would prefer if you addressed Nimura and Meguri and not by their sizes." She said giving me a narrowed eye look.

"Well now that that is out of the way, can I just flat out refuse to join either of your peerages? Or are we going straight to the recruitment thing?"

* * *

"Can you hear us out before either of us make an offer? We would like to try and clear up any misconceptions you have about devils" Rias asked, folding her legs over each other.

"It's not a misconception about devils. I don't like the peerage system, I don't want to be dragged into the supernatural's problems. And the fact that your summon or whatever it's called gave me this flier" I said pulling out the object in question "just before I went on the date does not put you in the brightest of lights." I responded curtly.

"...I understand why you would think that, but I promise you, I did not try to have you killed so you would be added to my peerage."

"If it was only that, I'd look like a mad man blaming the person trying to save me. It's not only that though. How will I put this...It's basically slavery under a pretty name. However, it's slavery but it's also kind of like a pyramid scheme where the stronger you get, you have the potential of having your own band of slaves."

"I promise you that I treat my peerage like family, I just want you to be apart of that family"

I snorted. I didn't want to get into a conversation about why I disliked her as a person but I couldn't stop myself.

"You only want me to be apart of your family because of my sacred gear. If I was a normal human, you wouldn't think twice about letting me be killed by that fallen. The thing I realized about you Rias, is that you cherrypick. You only add people into your peerage based on their rarity. And besides that, I'm still not going to willingly join a version any version of slavery."

There was an outcry of shouts at my bold declaration. Questions all asked at once, like Koneko asking what I meant by rarity and Akeno asking if a collar would suit her.

Surprisingly it was Nimura that spoke the loudest.

"What do you care? I thought you would be happy to get close to girls. You have no chance with the humans because you're a giant pervert. This is the closest you will probably get to one without a restraining order." She said, looking down on me.

Well trying to look down at me, she's about 5 foot tall. Pretty hard for her to do that.

"And what? You and your stupid twin-tail hair is going to attract guys left right and center? Have you seen yourself?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. I vaguely remember Meguri because, ya know, she's hot. But you, I had or have to fucking clue who you are. That shows how attractive I see you. Where one of the biggest perverts in the school doesn't even want to chase you? Ya know what? Take this as reassurance. I. Will. Never. Peak. On. You.

"Issei, that's enough!" Sona shouted at me with a harsh glare. "Nimura, don't antagonize our guest."

There was a 3-way stare-down between me, Sona, and Nimura. Everyone else in the room seemed to be indifferent levels of shock directed towards both me and Sona.

"Hyoudou-san, while one of the reasons Rias's is here is because she wants you in her peerage that is true," Sona said in which Rias's gave a look between hurt and confusion for some reason. "I only wish you to answer one question."

I raised an eyebrow slightly before rolling my eyes. "Shoot."

"During our recent conversations, you've lied to me once. Do you recall this?"

I blinked in confusion for a moment. Slightly confused. "I don't...I'm sorry?"

"Would you like to know how you lied to me?"

"Preferably not, Ignorance is bliss and all that shit," I said with a waved hand.

"...Very well. Rias's, the floor is yours."

"All I'm asking for a chance" Rias took over. "I need to a strong peerage but my peerage is my family. It's my dream to become the King of Rating games. And if I have you on my peerage. That dream can become true" she said looking hopeful.

"While I hate turning down a pretty face, small problem with the peerage system, ya can't leave once you join. Servitude at it's finest." I said holding my hand up like I was holding a glass of wine.

"You can leave your peerage any time you like" Nimura continued, amusedly. "Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about."

There was a brief moment of silence. But then I started to chuckle.

"Let me guess, you probably joined Sona's peerage seeing only the positives, you have a group of friends, language subjects will be a breeze, not having to learn any of them as a devil and you get superpowers. That's why you joined right?" I asked, looking directly into her eyes.

"I could cave your skull in if I punch hard enough" she replied with a satisfied smirk.

"Wow, Sona you do know how to pick 'em," I said before continuing in a haughty voice. "Clearly this ruffian is untrained in the eyes of the education. Where did you collect her from Detroit?"

"That's not funny and you're not funny" Nimuri instantly shot back.

"True, I'm not funny, but tell me, in 10 years, not even, how about 6 years. You find yourself a guy, you want to be with him. He's everything you've ever wanted. You get married and all is well with your life. Well tough love Nimura, because once you become a devil, you've got being drafted right over your head. You've got duties to do. People to serve. You've made the mistake of falling down that rabbit hole. Sure, you can leave your peerage at any time you want. But in doing so you become a stray devil. You will slowly go mad with power. It's called the evil pieces for a reason and your friends were the ones that made the deal with devils. So you remember this, as much as you want to think that you aren't leading a slave's life, doesn't change the fact of the matter that you are. Sure, maybe you can get stronger become a high-class devil, like Sona. Even still, when there's a war where the devils are involved, you don't have a choice in the matter. You. Will. Fight."

My rant has caused the entire room to go silent until Sona started to speak up,

"Disregarding the fact you called me a slaver, you speak as if a war is coming, what makes you think so?"

"Well, I've also developed a theory that maybe devils develop empathy at a later stage than humans. It would explain why a lot of the older devils are less warmongering than the younger ones, but hey, I'm going off of speculation I'm not saying it's soon. Sure, maybe when a war happens, I'd be 10 feet under. But devils live have a lot longer lifespan then I do. And quite frankly" I shrugged. I'm a coward."

"And if Japan ever went to war, you believe that wouldn't be drafted?"

"You make a good point there, but it's a lot easier to hide from humans than it is from devils. And besides, I'm not the bad guy here. All I want is a peaceful life that doesn't involve a lot of work. I'm lazy like that."

"And what about your goal to become 'Harem King?'"

"I'm pretty sure people from fucking Brazil heard Matsuda's speech so don't pretend you didn't hear that. But no, now I have a new goal" I said as I turned away and tried to look mysterious.

"I will become...The Kasanova of Kuoh"

While I was expecting a couple of laughs, the fact that there was a silence that lasted longer than 5 seconds made the scene feel awkward.

I coughed into my hand.

"Look, I don't hate devils, but I don't hate fallen angels or whatever, Cus that would be racist. Actually, the thing I hate the most at the moment is my bad luck and my sense of direction. I just don't want to lose my freedom.

"I understand you a lot better now," Sona said while raising her glasses and crossing over her knee. "You believe that the devils are a form of mafia to the point where if you join them and don't follow orders you will die. However, you failed to recognize the fact that it is a lot better than the alternative. You know like everyone else in this room that you have a sacred gear, we are unaware as to what it is but clearly it is powerful enough to make you have a distinct magical signature without unlocking it. You, whether you like it or not, are a target. Yesterday has made that clear. But you are purposefully leaving out the fact that we are offering sanctuary from those types of people." Sona responded as if this debate was one she has had often.

However, I wasn't going to back down.

"So it's an ultimatum, you either join or be killed, by your hand or by someone else. But I don't hear you disregarding the fact that if you try to leave, you will go insane. That was a genius thing Beelzebub made. I have no doubt that he could remake the evil pieces to where you could leave your peerage and still be sane. Of course, he's never going to make the evil pieces work like that because you guys still need as many people on your side in the fallout of war. So you can act like your the good guys in all this but to me, but Sona, what you care for in your peerage most of all is intelligence, but Rias, all I see in you is someone that only cares for their peerage due to their power." I said, walking to the door to give one line I know they won't forget.

"And deep down, you know it." I finished, closing the door as I left.

* * *

The rest of the day left me a lot of time to ponder on the conversation I had in the Student Council Room.

In my opinion, it went pretty well.

There definitely is a couple of negatives that went into that conversation, I came flat out and gave reasons why I don't like Rias, hinted that I know more than I should about her peerage and flat out told her I found her power-hungry.

I also just explained to the people in Sona's peerage that they are stuck in slavery. And either hates me for breaking their illusions or thankful for making them see the truth.

I just did a lot of things very stupidly. All my reasons were logical and shit but if that spreads to their peerages, they are going to have problems with me.

Fuck me.

Maybe I could point Saji into their direction? Then they can bother him and not me.

Heck, I'm pretty sure Saji was in love with Sona and he seemed pretty happy in the series.

I'm not from this universe, I'm not used to hentai logic.

...That's a sentence I really did not expect I would be saying out loud.

Not a week into the life of Issei Hyoudou and I'm already making enemies.

"Oi Saint Micheal or Gabriel or whoever is running the above land, it would be fairly solid of ya if you gave me a hand here and make sure I don't die or whatever. Can ya do that?"

Now, admittedly it was not the smartest thing to say out loud and the other people on the street are giving me weird looks now but it was worth a try.

* * *

"I'm home!" I called out to the house, expecting a response from Hana or Kaze (my father)

What I was not expecting was Sirzechs, Grayfia, Azazel, and Gabriel sitting down together with cups of tea in hand in my living room.

"There's the man himself!" Azazel said with a broad grin.

I took a deep breath.

I took another.

Fixed a smile.

And spoke.

"Excuse me, but what the fuck are you all doing here?!"


End file.
